Thoughts…

Dear  Diary,

Lately, I have been asking myself what am  I doing in my life? And at the same time I am wondering why do we do this. Why do we keep asking ourselves this question over the years? Again and again. Over and over. Consciously and subconsciously. And do you know what’s funny? I have noticed that I personally ask myself that question when I am at the verge of a break through. It is like I am trying to sabotage myself and I actually do it! I succeed! I push myself back because -even just for a bit- I think that I can’t be that happy with my choices and my life when it is not aligned with what is considered normal by the majority of society and people who surround me.

 

Hmmmm… Can a girl like me be happy and fulfilled as a single woman in her late 30s following her instincts and needs to succeed in something that she loves? Can I keep asking for what I know I deserve and look for opportunities in this financial climate?  Am I allowed to start a blog as a hobby with the wishful thinking that it might become my full time job one day? Is it true that after years of soul-searching, coming closer to your inner self and your true needs open your eyes in ways that make everything so simple to you? Is it true that you can’t just sit at the sidelines when you see people taking advantage of you? Is it true that you start trusting yourself to a point that you are not scared to say “ Thank you, but no thank you.” and just walk away from situations or relationships of any kind that are simply wasting your precious time? 

YES.

Simply “YES” to all the above.

I have reached a point in my life that I feel appreciative about everything that I have, no matter how small they might seem to others. That gives me peace, strength, joy and a clarity to find meaning in everything that I choose to do or not do. Do I get scared? Of course, I do! Do I double guess my choices? Yes! But a lot less often and I realize it right away when it is out of fear of failure or rejection. Does that stop me? Yes, it does lots of times but I don’t let it set me back. I focus on the present and try to set one goal after the other in order to take one step at a time. That, surprisingly enough releases my stress and gives me will and strength to keep being positive. Pauses help too! When I feel overwhelmed, I admit it to myself and I stop. I pause. I breathe, cry or laugh and enjoy it 100%! I try not to beat myself over it because I allow myself to be human and break down sometimes. That acceptance makes me bounce right back up, refreshed and rejuvenated.

Now, someone might ask: “Why all these thoughts?” The minute I became brutally honest with myself, everything in my life took a positive turn. 💕

So… Note to self: Do not forget to not stop being true to myself!

How about you?

 

Love,

Laura.K